Reunion

Last week I went out of town for FIVE days and FOUR nights BY MYSELF. (Sorry for the overuse of CAPS, but I have yet to figure out the compatibility of Mac and Blogger for grammer) This was the longest I had ever been away from my little Stelly. I went to New York to attend a camp reunion. It was wonderful. I stayed in a hotel room by myself and connected with old friends who I haven't seen since I was 14.

When I was young, I went to a girls sleep-away camp in the forest in Maine for 6 consecutive summers. I loved every single minute of it. (Well, not the minutes swimming in the cold lake on a chilly August morning) But I do have the fondest memories of a very special and unique place. The 10 women in my bunk who attended the reunion travelled from 6 states and 1 foreign country. It was quite the effort to get us all together and it was worth it. We carry so much love and fondness in our hearts for each other and for the camp itself that it felt like reuniting with sisters. It was a very happy weekend, even though I missed my little one.

On the flight back to Portland I wondered what it would be like to reunite with Stella. How would she react to me? Some people said she might be angry, and not to take it personally. I thought she might squeal with delight and do a little happy dance like she does sometimes when Greg comes home from work. Or maybe she would give me a big hug and kiss and say "I love you" (wishful thinking).

When I saw her, I took her into my arms. She stuck out her cheek and I gave her a big kiss. She said, "Mama's back" and looked at me for a moment. Then she walked away and went back to her play.

Growing pangs

Sometimes, the girl eats like a moose. Here's what Stella ate today, to the best of my memory:

7:30 am
1 package of plain instant oatmeal with milk and a little maple syrup
Many bowls of goat yogurt
1/2 carrot-raisin odwalla bar

9:30 am
asks for cookies, instead gets:
scrambled eggs (1/2-1 egg)
some bites of toast

11am
a very small assortment of:
veggie booty
dried cranberries
corn chips

12:30pm
1 piece sliced turkey
3 green beans
brown rice pasta
1/2 hard boiled egg

4pm
3-4 apple slices
some chunks of cheddar cheese
lots of goat yogurt!
1/2 packet of instant oatmeal
black beans

6pm
1/3 of a chicken apple sausage
few bites of banana
3 pieces of broccoli
some grilled chicken
few bites of pinto beans and rice

and, finally....1 cookie!

Gratitude X3

Stella threw up for the first time today. This comes on the tail end of her very first cold. Luckily, I was in the shower so I missed it. But I heard the report from my husband and surveyed the damage. It could of had something to do with the cod liver oil he had just given her, but she has had a change in bowel habits in the past few days (I'll leave it at that). She was a bit lethargic afterwards and I knew something was wrong when she was lying on the floor or putting her head down on the ottoman.

This is not great timing, as I currently have a cold. (The last in the household to get it) I had a terrible night of sleep because of this nose issue and struggled with my strong desire to stay in bed all day watching bad daytime tv and drinking lots of fluids. Just like the old days.

My husband is also not feeling his best. He had a kidney stone removed on Wednesday evening and is still recovering from the surgical proceedure as well as the general anesthesia. His recovery is much harder than we had anticipated and I am not able to do as much to care for him.

Having the three of us feel under the weather at the same time reminds me to feel gratitude for how healthy each of us are in general, the majority of the time. Why is it so easy to forget this when you feel good? To not feel the gratitude when you don't have any nagging or annoying or insomnia-inducing symptoms?

Gratitude. For lots of things but lets start with the body. the breath. health. the desire for healing. for my family of 3.

snow day

Snow...excitement...pure...quiet...runny nose...layers...play...sled...hot tea...fire...chicken soup...nap.

quote from 'The Secret'

"When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life."

You Already Know

I went to yoga class this morning. I love yoga class and even on the days when its hard to get there (like today) I ALWAYS feel better afterward. We started the class with a short sitting meditation. The teacher invited us to connect with our inner wisdom and ask ourselves what we needed from class this morning. Since she does this every week, I am familiar with the question and I don't automatically respond with "I don't know". I go with the first thing that pops into my mind and don't analyze it anymore. (ie: "Was that really my inner wisdom or is that what I think I should need?") I also don't question whether its deep or spiritual enough.

I mean, if I am trying to connect with my inner wisdom, wouldn't it be nice if the message was "you need to go to Hawaii for the rest of the winter and swim with the dolphins and eat papaya every day and be naked" or simply "I honor the divine in myself and others." But no, it's usally short and sweet and not really all that profound (maybe that takes a longer and more consistent meditation practice) Today my inner wisdom was telling me "supported bridge pose." A yoga pose that greatly relieved the lower back pain I was sufferring from.

When we complete this opening meditation in class, we tell the teacher and the other students what came to us. The yoga teacher writes it down. This is what she said after we all shared:

"You already know what you need for health, healing, and joy. You have the wisdom inside of you and no one knows what you need more than you do. This more you practice asking, the easier it is for you to connect with the answers. The next step is to verbalize it and TELL OR ASK OTHERS FOR WHAT YOU NEED."

Now this brings me to Stella. As you may know, a toddler is very adept at this practice. She knows what she wants/needs and she is not afraid to say so. She is not afraid to change her mind, get all emotional, ask for help, change her mind again, laugh hysterically and cry in agony all within 30 seconds. She isn't doubting herself, wondering how this is affecting others, or thinking about the future. She is simply in the moment and fully aware that she needs a cookie right now so please hand it over.

Her toddler-esque behavior suddenly seems quite powerful. She doesn't need to be reminded. She already knows.